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By no means are my issues unheard of. If you have a pulse, breathe air or have a heartbeat, then you have probably had bad customer service experiences while dealing with certain companies. If you are anything like me, then you have probably had several bad experiences with these companies. Now it would be in bad taste for me to list the names of the two companies that make my blood boil whenever I have to deal with them. However, whenever I see the commercials promising great service and telling me how customer focused they are, I have to fight the urge to take a plastic knife to my wrist. When it comes to Verizon and Comcast--ops, I mean the companies that will remain nameless, I think of them as those family members that you have to deal with because they are family, but if you had a choice, you would trade them in for a McDonalds happy meal--without the toy.

Credit Pacific Service Union My first vent is going to be directed towards that phone company that we all know and love because we have very few other choices. Sure, you can go with Cavalier, but who wants to be given a three-week window for when they can come to your home and install your service? When I first got set up with Cavalier, everyday I was rushing home to see if I had a dial tone. Everyday I was disappointed. Picking up the phone and hearing the dead silence drove me nuts. That's probably the reason why I see a shrink now. Besides, it's the year 2005. Who can go without a phone for three weeks? So I settled for the phone company that rhymes with horizon.

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Credit First Service Union This past weekend the phone service in my apartment complex was accidentally cut off due to a construction site nearby hitting a phone line or something to that effect. I was given that information by my apartment complex's business office. Because my rental agreement states that my apartment complex's business office is responsible for NOTHING other than collecting rent, they referred me to Ver--I mean the phone company. I called the phone company while on my day time minutes on my cell phone and although I went through the menu answering the obligatory yes, no, height and weight, and blood type when prompted, I somehow ended up in the wrong department. Once I was transferred, I was placed on hold for 15 minutes. I hung up and decided to call back the following day from work.

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Card Credit Mobile Service The next day, I explained to the WONDERFULLY KNOWLEDGEABLE lady from the repair department what I had been told about the line being hit and that while everyone else's phones were back on within a day or two, mine was still off. I told her that I had one cordless phone and one corded phone that were connected in two separate rooms using two separate jacks. She claimed she ran a test on the line and said that the issue was with my equipment. I asked her what the odds were that both of my phones by different manufacturers would both commit suicide at the same time and on the weekend that the phone line was hit. She then explained to me that she worked for the phone company, which was good because prior to her saying it I thought she worked at Wal-mart, and despite all the evidence showing otherwise it could be a coincidence. She then instructed me to unplug all of the phones in the house for five minutes. At this point I was livid. I knew that wasn't the problem. Maybe I should have spelled it out for her. She might as well have asked me to pat my head with one hand and rub my stomach with the other. Or, maybe she should have told me to unplug the toaster and set it on top of the refrigerator to see if that would help. Either suggestion would have given me the same result. If I had a voodoo doll and a lock of her hair, I would have...never mind. Needless to say, the rocket scientist's absurd suggestions didn't work. My reward for all of this was an appointment where they wanted me to be home between 9am and 5pm. Yes, a full work day. Can you believe that? And to top it all off the repair man came out and said that his findings was that it was an outside problem that he wouldn't have time to fix that day. He promised to be back the following week-and I'm still waiting. So far I have talked to two supervisors that promised to call back-and I'm still waiting on that too. I guess it's just my luck.

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Card Credit Discover Service Next on my hit list is the cable company whose name rhymes with 'on task'. I have had so many appointments with them in the past five months that I know several of the call center people and techs by voice. A few of them are even invited to my wedding. I pay this company over $130 a month and the longest I have gone without any problems with my high speed internet or cable is probably 5 weeks. If I'm fortunate enough to actually have a tech show up on the day of my appointment, it's always a new person, which forces me to explain the situation over and over and over again. Each time the new tech asks me what the previous tech did. At this point I say, "Um, he asked to use my bathroom." But secretly I want to yell, "How should I know? Aren't you the tech? Don't you guys keep records or something? Can't you see what was done or not done by looking at the shoddy work of the previous tech? I don't know what he did. He scratched a lot and left with several of my appliances. Any more questions?"

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Credit Public Service Union After 5 appointments where they forced me to stay home for 3-hour periods whether they showed up or not, I figured that it was time for Comca---I mean the company, to add some credits to my account. I called them and spoke to a lady who said she would process a request for a credit on the cable portion of my bill, but I would have to talk to the internet department to get a credit for my high-speed portion of the bill. She transferred me and that rep also said they would process a credit on my behalf for the inconvenience. Here we are 4 months and 3 appointments later and neither credit has posted to my account. However, I was rewarded because I was able to identify the last heavily tattooed technician that they sent to my home as one of the people I had seen on America's Most Wanted for grand larceny and several bank robberies. I guess it's a good thing I have nice neighbors that allow me to watch their TV whenever my cable goes out each week.

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Card Credit Processing Service Through all of this I have learned some very valuable lessons. This is the list of suggestions that the cable and phone company will ask you to check if you ever have a problem. In the end, doing this upfront will save you time because the companies are going to ask you to check these things anyway.

Center Credit Service Union . Check your car to see if you left your car keys in the ignition.
. Make sure your refrigerator is plugged in. If it is, make sure it's not too close to your microwave.
. Make sure that all the planes at your local airport departed on time.
. Check the clock to see if it's between 12:06 and 12:07am. If so, that's what it is.
. Make sure that your favorite character wasn't voted off on Survivor.
. Make sure that you watched the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.
. Rename your cat Boris instead of FiFi.
. Check your mailbox to see if you have any coupons for Pizza Hut in there.
. Make sure your gas tank is full.
. Have you taken your trash out?
. Lastly, go to your local McDonalds and ask for Shrimp-Fried Rice

Card Credit Service Wireless If you do all these things and still have problems with your service, then call President Bush. I can't guarantee that anything will be done, but at least you won't have to hold as long.

Credit Security Service Union All work found on www.mikeyllo.com written and copyrighted by the author, Michael Rochelle, who can be reached at michael_rochelle@hotmail.com.

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